"Apostle" by Lacey Crowe

                                                 

"A strange depression came over me when I realized something inside of me was surely unbalanced-shifted off the moral scale. The journey toward complete self awareness isn't taken by many, perhaps because they fear their own souls. It's a sick acknowledgment of oneself, and in acknowledging this I also acknowledged the monster who shared the space within the walls of my bodily vessel...."

Benji is sharing his memoirs with us. From the time he was just a little boy he was born on a path of evil. How does one become a serial killer exactly? Let Benji hold your hand and take you on the scariest look inside the mind of someone who can tell you. Let Benji explain his monster to you.

Set in the 1970's we meet Beth. Benji is captivated by her. Fearful she'll somehow expose his real self after a eventful evening. Benji feels the need to mentor Beth. He feels a kinship that only he can cultivate. Set in a time when were so much more trusting. Beth has no idea where this friendship will lead.

Then we hear from Beth and her entries describing their relationship. Maybe Benji will help Beth find a way to be at peace with who she really is. Benji seems to accept himself. She can hope can't she? Some how they find a kinship that few ever have. I dare say that Benji actually blossoms with his talk of murder and misery around Beth. She in turn is fascinated by him. Together they're the scariest couple you'd ever run into -and hope you never do.

"As I mentally checked off this list of emotions, I realized I was lacking the one Benji was looking for-fear."

As they travel together have a first account witness to their activities. The victims they meet. What draws them together and what causes them to act apart. That part was so disturbing to me. This young girl off on her own killing people and enjoying it.  Then this book turns in another direction. Can Beth and Benji stay alive? Do they drift apart or does something tear them apart?

I enjoyed this book immensely. Extremely realistic and horrifying. You won't be able to put this book down.  There is a continued anticipation as you make your way through their words and through their twisted world.

"In personal reflection, I had found Monster. And I had welcomed him. And this is where I will begin his introduction....."

" Apostle: An apostle, from Classical Greek ἀπόστολος (apóstolos), meaning "one who is sent away", is a messenger and ambassador. The purpose of such "sending away" is to convey messages, and thus "messenger" is a common alternative translation.  source: Wikipedia

Dark. Haunting and unable to forget even after its ended. Is it real? It feels real. Not for the faint of heart.

Thank you to Lacey Crow for asking me to read this and providing this A.R.C.